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Years ago I splurged on a course at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, where, among other things, I learned that leadership is a constant tug between assertiveness and empathy.

Assertiveness without empathy, I learned, leads to conflict with followers and damaged relationships, while empathy without assertiveness is weak and undermines a leader’s status.

I was there in Cambridge just after the Clinton administration, and our professors spoke about Clinton’s strength in both areas, and Gore’s struggle to connect empathetically with voters and project an “alpha male,” assertive persona.

None of us is perfect, but as a leader, it’s ideal to have both.  This dual capability is also essential for highly effective communicators, whether or not they happen to be leaders in the traditional sense.

In sales, for instance, where you are leading your audience to a conclusion, you need to understand the client’s situation, and speak to them in their language about issues that are important to them.  That is empathy in action, and those of us who are better at it have a better chance of being successful—in sales, leadership, and other aspects of interpersonal life.

Having just come back from a meeting with a consulting firm seeking to improve its ability to sell its complex bundle of services, I can assure you that while we all pay lip service to these basic ideas, it ain’t easy, especially when your corporate culture is technical and wants to talk about its unique process for delivering its expertise.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen such densely packed slides, so many incomprehensible diagrams, and so much unfamiliar technical language.   Watching and listening to the talk, I was reluctant to admit my confusion as we began to work on the document.  I hoped that in time, after I’d spent a day or two with the team, I would have a eureka moment and grasp the point of their sales pitch.

I think I finally figured it out on the morning of the second day.  They were arguing that they could improve the efficiency and effectiveness of their client’s operations, and do so in less time, and with less risk of failure than could any of their larger and more renowned competitors.

But man oh man it was hard to extract that message from the tangled web of slides.  They were being very assertive about their abilities, but their appeal was less effective than it could have been because it lacked empathy.

Rather than speaking about the client company—their situation, problems, and aspirations—their talk was built around the features of their process, rather than the unique and quantifiable benefits the prospect might receive.

This is not a new insight.  Consider it a reminder that the ability to empathize with listeners, and frame your communication around their needs and interests, is one of the keys to influence, leadership and sales.

Sims Wyeth is an executive speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

I spent a day working on sales messages and presentation of those messages with a sales force, except the sales force was divided in two—half were an outside field force, and half were inside sales.
 
We discovered that it was very difficult for the inside sales force to deliver a complete presentation because they were used to connecting with prospects through conversation by phone.  
 
They seemed to rely on the give and take of a phone call, including the small talk, and were accustomed to the random bouncing around from topic to topic depending on the questions and concerns of the customer.
 
They struggled to prepare a formal presentation with a compelling introduction, a logical sequence of ideas, and a summary conclusion, and of course, not being accustomed to face-to-face presenting, they were nervous.
 
The outside sales people had less trouble with the sustained monologue of a formal presentation, and were able to craft some very effective, persuasive approaches to an audience.
 
Dialogue vs. monologue.  Talking vs. listening. Sending signals vs.receiving signals.  Throwing vs. catching. Giving vs. taking.
 
It’s important to be fluent in both kinds of selling.

Sims Wyeth is an executive speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

Over cigars and Chivas on Sunday night with Dikki Ellis, Michael Christensen and Zach Grenier, we came across an interesting distinction between clowning and acting, and one that is helpful to business speakers.

Michael is a Co-Founder of the Big Apple Circus and the Founder of the circus’s Clown Care Unit.  Dikki is a senior member of that troupe, and a well-known clown and educator.  He is also one of my oldest friends.

Zach, on the other hand, is an actor in demand on Broadway and in Hollywood.  He is currently playing the part of a Nazi officer in love with the wife of a British aristocrat on the occupied island of Guernsey during WW II.  The play is called Gabriel.

At one performance, as he was about to kiss this woman in the climactic moment of the play, a cell phone went off in the audience, and the man who owned the phone could not find which pocket it was in, so the phone kept ringing.

Zach had a decision to make.  “Do I ignore the phone and kiss the lady?  Do I turn and face the audience to indicate my impatience?  Or do I ignore the phone and somehow make the scene work?”

He chose to make the scene work.  He stood waiting with hat in hand as the phone rang, as if waffling in his desire to kiss the woman, until finally, when the phone went silent, he lifted his hat in a gesture of exasperation and resolve, and kissed her.

The audience’s experience was not disrupted.  The drama was justified, and the illusion of the play was maintained. Zach showed judgment and composure.

Actors call this “protecting the fourth wall.”   A theater audience wants to stay behind the imaginary wall at the front of the stage, and look into the fictional world of the drama, as though through a window.

Circus performers like Michael  and Dikki have to let the audience in, because their audience feels the need to participate.  If one of them had been in Zach’s situation, they might have been tempted to turn to the audience, put their hands on their hips, glance at their watches, and tap their toes impatiently, and it would have gotten a big laugh.

It would also have damaged the drama of the moment.  Zach had a responsibility to the story the play tells.  If he had acknowledged the disruption he would have undermined the illusion of reality and the performance of his fellow actors.  He had a script, and so did the woman he wanted to kiss. 

Michael and Dikki don’t have scripts.  They have “routines” they do in hospital rooms, and each one is slightly different depending on the circumstances they encounter. 

That’s a long intro to a simple point:  some speeches require a 4^th Wall, and some don’t. 

For instance,  when you’re giving the State of the Union Address,  it’s highly unusual to break the 4^th wall.   It ‘s happened once or twice in my experience, when Clinton left his prepared text, and similarly when Obama responded to the disapproval coming from the Republican side.  But for the most part, the State of the Union is a script attempting to tell a convincing story about the current and future state of our country.

However, when you are raising capital, or selling your IT services, or your brand plan, you should be prepared to tear down the 4^th wall and collaborate with the audience. 

Every circumstance is different—you’re either a clown or an actor—but you’re in trouble if you misread the situation and stay behind the wall when you should come out, or come barreling out when the audience wants you to stay behind the wall so they can enjoy the story you’ve rehearsed. 

Sims Wyeth is an executive speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

I just witnessed several clients reading scripts.  There was something very unsatisfying about the experience for me.   They lacked life and expression.  They didn’t appear to mean what they were saying.

Yet scripts are often useful and necessary.  So what are the pros and cons of written speeches?  And how do PowerPoint presentations stack up?

Written Speeches are More Formal

Whether you write your own speech, or hire a speechwriter to help you, you are committing yourself to taking a written document to the front of the room and reading it to the crowd.

There are pros and cons to this.  First, the pros.  You will appear to be prepared; speak in full sentences; present your thoughts in a more formal fashion; be more likely to address big thoughts and avoid data and details; have a written document for the historical record; and finally, avoid the terror of standing alone on the stage in front of a crowd with the possibility of going blank or saying something really dumb.

Compared to a presentation delivered without a script, a written speech requires more time writing, and less time rehearsing.  And the script is a huge security blanket.  With a script, there are times when you can just show up and read.  (Not a great thing to do, but sometimes necessary.)

However, there are cons to consider as well.  You have to be a good writer to write a good speech; speeches that are read are less alive than presentations that are spoken without scripts.  (It’s hard to read and sound like you’re talking.  Even great actors and politicians have trouble with this.  It leads to a lack of engagement with the audience.)

There’s less give and take because the speaker is constantly looking down to read, and the listeners see this, know that the speaker is reading, and feel obliged to sit still and listen.  It’s a monologue, more about getting the words out than engaging with the audience in the here and now.

PowerPoint Presentations are Less Formal

Now how about the pros and cons of a typical business presentation, one in which the presenter stands and talks from slides?

The pros?  More conversational; more opportunity to interact with the audience; more informal; more lively; more room for improv; greater ability to display data and dive deep into technical subjects.

The cons?  Bigger challenge to the stage-worthiness of the speaker; more rehearsal required to discover an efficient way of verbalizing the points; greater likelihood the speaker’s cup will run over with data, data everywhere and not a thought to think; the likelihood that the predictability of PowerPoint will undermine the impact of the speaker and the message; and finally, the greater chance that a charismatic speaker with an inferior argument will carry the day.

Quo Vadis?

Speeches have their place on formal occasions, and can be delivered brilliantly.  But it’s a rare person who can connect with an audience while reading a prepared text.

(Was it Dick Cavett who said, “Richard Burton can make reading the phone book sound like Shakespeare.  The rest of us make Shakespeare sound like the phone book.”?)

Presentations with PowerPoint provide a greater opportunity for connection between presenter and audience.  However, the over-use of text slides, the predictability of the typical format, and the demands on the speaker’s stage presence made by the wide open space of the typical meeting room cause many business presenters to struggle with the task of getting their point, and themselves, across to the audience.

The differences between the two seem to be getting blurred.  I recommend a speech when there is no real need for visual aids; when the occasion is emotional or commemorative; when the crowd is so big that a presentation with slides might be hard to see and hard to deliver.  (After all, as the audience gets bigger, the need increases for less information and more emotion.)

A speech is more formal and lofty.  A presentation is less formal and can more effectively accommodate the technical details of a narrowly defined subject.  A speech is like an opera.  A presentation is more like a chalk-talk, like a coach in the locker room diagraming on the blackboard what the team will do in the second half of the game. 

They both have perils and promises.  Choose wisely.

Sims Wyeth is an executive speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

After seeing David Mamet’s play Race on Broadway, Sharon and I had half-an-hour until our train left New York’s Penn Station for our home in Montclair, New Jersey.

We went to a bar.  I ordered a Heineken and she a glass of wine.  We were sitting next to a drunk who began to sing, so we picked up our drinks and paper napkins and moved to a banquette.

When I put the napkin down, I looked at it.  And as soon as I saw it, I got curious.

(Don’t click here)

I am sure psychology has a name for why I got curious, but I don’t know it.

I have heard that Google banner ads that say something like, “Don’t Click Here” drive a lot of traffic.

I have a friend named Gary Forman, a great speechwriter. Go to his site and see his clever use of the technique.  When I visited the site for the first time, I looked at the navigation bar along the top.  Guess where I clicked?

I’ve heard that children instructed to not touch a particular toy will almost always touch it when left alone.

Is this the power of the forbidden?  And if so, could we begin our speeches and presentations by saying, “You must not listen to a word I say.  Turn around and face the back wall.  Talk amongst yourselves.  Because what I have to say is far too powerful to be heard by the likes of you.”

And then could we jump into our content and remind them now and then that they should not be listening.

Getting attention is important for all of us.  If we couldn’t get attention, we would die—wither on the vine, go hungry, and perish—psychologically and physically.

So this is worth our consideration as speakers.  It’s a technique to be explored—this technique of forbidding— and it seems to be effective because it taps into the  craving to do what is forbidden.

(Don’t open the napkin)

Sims Wyeth is an executive speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

Under the shadow of Armando Galarraga’s stolen perfect game, and umpire Jim Joyce’s human imperfection, I am moved to ponder the word pitch.

In baseball, when a pitch comes at you, it is meant to either intimidate, bamboozle, or go by too fast to hit.  All pitches come with spin, except for knuckleballs, which float and dance on air currents sans spin.

In business, pitch is short for proposal, one that comes with an attempt to persuade the viewer or reader to say, “Yes.”

If it comes, like a baseball, with a lot of spin, it is not perfect.  In fact, it is deeply flawed because, while it might get the viewer to “Yes,” it will probably leave her disappointed that she took the bait, swung the bat, and trusted the pitcher.

This is not good for anyone, including the pitcher, whose business and career most likely survives on repeat business and the building of strong relationships.

So, if spinning, curving, and brushing back the batter won’t work in business as in baseball, what will?

A perfect pitch heads right for the strike zone of problem definition.  It involves a lot of back and forth—catching and throwing—until familiarity and trust emerge.

Once that occurs, pitcher and batter (seller and buyer) can agree on goals, metrics, value, and cost.

Together they can imagine what is present that needs to disappear, and what is absent that needs to appear.

The game of deception will be over.  The pitch will be an invitation to cooperate, and the sale will be a homerun for both.

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

We are entitled to our own opinions, but none of us is entitled to our own facts. 

In fact, most of us hold our opinions with little respect for facts.  For instance, when you ask a passionate partisan why she voted for her candidate, you are likely to hear slogans about small government or social injustice. 

Lots of big ideas, but not a fact in sight.

This is why speakers who have dug deep enough to uncover specifics in support of their ideas are so much more convincing than those who stick to the broad and general.  And why speakers who are willing and able to address facts that favor the other side of the argument are even more persuasive.

For instance, I was helping a client put together remarks to support the purchase of a new building for her synagogue. As the director of religious education, she was expected to speak about what the new building could mean to her program.

She began with the broad claim that the new facility would unify the congregation, bringing old and young, lay and clergy, scholarship and community into the same home.

It was okay, but it needed some punch.  I asked her what the current situation was like, and she described the frustration she experienced running the school from a remote office, schlepping supplies and materials back and forth, dealing with teachers who wanted a place to store half-finished art projects, and parents with no place to gather while their kids were in class.

“Bingo,” I said. “Let’s start with that.”  And suddenly her wonderful little talk went from good to great, because she described the specific problems that the new building would solve.

Dig for specifics to support your ideas.  Get them into your speech, early and often. 

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

I don’t really believe in “informative” presentations because no matter what the occasion, a speaker wants to convince the audience that he or she is trustworthy and well informed on the subject.

Therefore, I press forward with the belief that we are all PERSUADERS and we are all in the PERSUASION BUSINESS.

One element of persuasion is constructing a good message, and here’s one way to construct a point you want to make.

I call this “Can’t MISS Messaging.”

M stands for message. For instance, BP might find itself saying, “We are doing everything we can to stop the oil.”

I stands for information. BP might say, “We have 5,000 people on site working as a team to stop the flow of oil, and close to 10,000 volunteers in boats and on the ground trying to protect the wetlands.”

S stands for story. BP might illustrate the above dry, numerical facts with a story, such as, “In fact, one volunteer, Lisa Monniker, has set up a nursery for ducks that have come in contact with the oil. She has recruited school children to come clean the ducks one by one. Each duck is given a name and is adopted by a particular child. I must say, there’s a lot of love going on between these kids and their fluffy little ducks.”

The last S stands for Say it again. “So I want to reassure the public that BP is doing everything it can to stop the flow of oil and take care of any problem that arises.”

This is a very basic unit of persuasion, and one that we all should master. Don’t stop at the facts and the data. Go beyond the numbers to tell a story that brings the numbers to life.

And then end as you began—with the big idea.

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills andpublic speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

You may be familiar with the prayer-like song that Bob Dylan wrote in which he wishes that someone, or all of us, can “stay forever young.”

May you always be courageous

Stand upright and be strong

And may you stay…

Forever young.

It turns out that, while a youthful spirit can enrich our lives, young doesn’t always cut it in the world of big business.

Granted, there are places in corporate America where youth is valued—in sales, customer service, and perhaps in research.

But at the senior decision-making level, executives tend to see new recruits as just so many puppies.  Smart puppies.  Eager puppies.  Maybe even successor-puppies.  But puppies nonetheless, inexperienced, naïve, and unfamiliar with the sharp-elbowed realities of business culture and global capitalism.

A degree from a prestigious university can help a puppy win a job, but it doesn’t guarantee that she will quickly earn the trust of an older, more experienced boss or client.

What does it take, aside from years of experience, for a young professional to overcome this bias?

One answer?  Five languages!

The first language to master is the language of the industry you’re in.  If you’re a consultant, you have to learn multiple languages.  Mastery of language implies mastery of the thinking beneath the language.

Within industry, there are functions—finance, marketing, R&D—all of which speak their own dialect.

Then there is the language of your own company, and the language of your client companies.  Again, if you are customer-facing, you must hold your own in substantive discussions conducted in the language of the client.

The second language is the language of your own vocal presence—the signals you send through the pitch, volume, speed, and resonance of your speaking voice.

Many young people speak quickly, have less chest resonance in their sound, enunciate poorly, use filler words such as, “Like, you know, I mean,” and demonstrate tentativeness in their pitch patterns—for instance, using a rising intonation at the end of a declarative sentence.

To senior people, all of these vocal characteristics signal immaturity and naiveté, and while they can be overcome with exceptional intelligence and sterling qualities of character, they represent another strike against the young.

The third language is what you say by listening.  Few of us, at any age, are highly effective listeners, but to excel at this under-rated behavior is to enjoy a profound competitive advantage.  The reason for this?  The greatest need that people have is the need to be appreciated, and the simplest way to show appreciation is to listen.

While the other guy is talking, younger professionals (I’ve been one) are often busy thinking of what they’re going to say in order to prove their intelligence or defend their position.  Wiser, more experienced hands are working to understand, and then recognize, the thoughts and feelings of others.

The fourth language is body language.  Older executives tend to have gravitas when they speak—with words, voice, or body language.  George Schultz, former Secretary of State, is someone who comes to mind when I think of gravitas.

Gravitas evokes a sensation of stability, solidity, confidence and calmness.  Gravitas makes me think of deep, still water.

The body language of younger people often evokes sensations of quickness, flexibility, and turbulent water.

Or, put another way, whereas older people tend to move like large animals at the top of the food chain—like elephants or giraffes—younger people are closer cousins to our friends the chipmunks, squirrels, and finches.

These frisky friends are beautiful creatures, but you don’t want to trust a million-dollar project to Alvin, Rocky, and Tweety.

The fifth language:  the language of clothes and grooming.  If you wear blue jeans and T-shirts to an executive meeting within the Fortune 500, you’re probably committing a CLM (career-limiting move.)

And when you show up with a mohawk or a mullet, you’re road kill, unless you walk on water in some rare way.

These are broad claims, but they represent a broad truth.  Large business cultures are more or less like the military.  Each has officers and foot soldiers, objectives and enemies, front lines and back offices, campaigns, strategies, and tactics.

And each has a uniform—clothes and haircuts that signal that you are a member of the team.

These, in short, are the five languages we must master in order to earn the trust and respect of senior business people.  The language of:

• Industry and function
• voice
• listening
• body language
• clothes and grooming

Some are easier to learn than others.  For instance, developing your voice to make it deeper, more resonant, or less nasal takes time.  And speaking more slowly can be a confrontation with a lifetime of habit.

But anyone can learn to speak all these languages more effectively, and thereby get people to take you and your ideas more seriously.

I’m with Dylan 100%:  May you stay forever young.  But may you also climb the learning curve quickly, to bring value to yourself, and to the enterprise you serve.

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

Last week, I had the chance to sit through another LP meeting and hear the presentations of various managers from the same firm.

I was struck by one simple thought.  A soft-spoken manager gave me cause to suspect his level of confidence and decisiveness.

His colleagues who spoke before him were more senior and they also projected their sound more easily.   When he stepped to the lectern, I was immediately struck by the absence of force in his voice.

I leaned in to listen, and while I could capture most of what he was saying, I was concerned about the impression he was creating.  I thought about yelling, “Can’t hear you,” but hesitated.

Instead, I got the A/V guy in the sound booth to turn up the volume. 

Electronic amplification is not always available, but in this case, it was the only thing I could do to help my client.  Immediately, I experienced his voice as the dominant signal in the room.  You could not ignore it.  Before, he seemed to have trouble penetrating the space.  Now, with boosted volume from the microphone, he became the voice of authority.

The human voice is a powerful instrument of emotion, and in business, the most important emotion is confidence.  I don’t think a confident voice has to be loud, but I do think it needs to be full of intention.   An adequate degree of intention leads to a voice that reaches the ears of the listeners, and has enough oomph to register on the emotional centers of the brain.

The voice we use needs to inspire confidence and belief in the people who are listening.  Anything less will open the door to doubt, and that can eventually lead to problems with clients being lured away by other, more inspiring voices.

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.